The Courage to Change: An Interview with Tia Lewis (Part 2)

“Eventually, one time, I did go to rehab and I stayed.    I was really angry. My daughter was locked up.  Also, even though my significant other was abusive, I still loved him and he was dead.  At the rehab, the counselors had a bet I would not stay.  I think I stayed this time to prove them wrong.  

“After rehab, they suggested I go to a halfway house so I went to Casa de Vida , a halfway house for women recovering from substance abuse. I remember the counselors there were peeking out the windows watching me walk off thinking what would they do with me.  Casa de Vida is where my spiritual awakening happened. 

“I was back in drug court.  I had turned myself in.   Because I was with my peer Mona White, the judge did not lock me up.  Mona spoke up and encouraged the judge to give me another chance and he did.  I worked closely with Mona.

“Casa de Vida staff saw something going on with me.  I could talk about the incident with my daughter and significant other in a very detached way as if  I was in another realm.   When I was done talking about it, I would be focused.  I showed no emotion and I was clean about six months.  The staff at Casa de Vida asked me to complete a mental health assessment.  I did and I was diagnosed with severe depression.  My recovery really took place when I dealt with my mental health and drug issues. This was painful but it was okay. 

“I also had to go to grief counseling.  Getting through this grieving process was a miracle.  Sometimes, I still don’t think I have completely grieved, but I am okay today. 

“I eventually started working. It was against Casa de Vida’s suggestions.  I sold newspapers and began cleaning houses.  I would knock on strange people’s doors.  Casa de Vida staff thought that was dangerous.  My peer talked to me too. 

“I worked for Group Ministries as a peer for HIV/AIDS.  I relapsed twice when I was in that job but they took me back.  Group Ministries is the foundation of my life.  That is where I have always gone for support, for mentoring, for everything.  It will always be in my life.

“At one point, I  was working at a clothing store.  My peer rolled up in her car and asked me if I would be interested in the type of work that she does.  I said sure.  She asked me if I thought I was ready.  She said that she saw something in me that needed that added push and I did not look back.  She felt that working with consumers would really push me into my recovery.

“Mona introduced me to my current supervisor.  The three of us went out to lunch.  I interviewed for a job with Mental Health Peer Connection that I did not get.  I hugged everyone in the room at my interview so they thought I had a problem with boundaries.  I was used to hugs from being in the program.  I thought everybody hugged. 

“Another position became available a short time later.  I interviewed for it and I got it.  I didn’t hug anyone at that interview.  My hugging has been a running joke around here.  I have been working at Mental Health Peer Connection for four years.  In May, I won the Employee of the Year award.  I also have my own cleaning business.  Cleaning is a stress reliever for me.  When I have mood swings and I am really up, I clean. 

“Working has really helped my recovery.  I feel a sense of responsibility.  I feel a sense of pride.  My self-esteem increased immediately.  I did not have to depend on the streets for anything.  When I lived on the streets, I did not pay any bills.  Today, I pay my bills. 

“Today, my children are proud of me.  They call me a good mother, even though sometimes I don’t feel like I am.  My children encourage me.  Sometimes they give me a hard time.  I have a twenty-two-year old who just moved back in with me.  She has a lot of anger.  Those are her issues.  I forgive me and God has forgiven me.  She has to work on her stuff. 

“Some days I am really sad, but it is okay.  I do not have to drink or drug .  I have the tools to work with my issues today.  I also spend a lot time with my nieces and nephews.  On any given weekend, I might have seven or eight kids around.  We have a good time.  I take them to church.  The people at church call them my entourage.  

“I love my job. I work with a lot of people.  I have a caseload of fifty although I am closing some cases now.  These are folks who need employment and are hard to employ.  They might need other linkages and natural supports and I help these individuals with that.  I try to be as supportive as I can.  I try to be an example that recovery is possible and that it is an ongoing process, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I show them that I fight my battles and my demons one day at a time.”